Culture Part 2 - Glenice Mills

CULTURE PART 2

 

THE MATRIARCH

GLENICE MILLS
23^rd October 2013

 

In my first article, ‘Defer is not Prefer’ we addressed the cultural issue whereby women had bowed to the lies of the enemy by believing that to defer to another is in fact to prefer. We looked at the difference between the two, noting that to defer from a wrong foundation stems from a base of fear and is actually a way of self-protection which does not prefer another, but rather oneself. As we look at the matriarch one could say it is the other extreme of the pendulum to the deferring woman; a cultural issue with a false spirit behind it.

 

To recap, culture is the customs and traditions of a particular time or people. It is the distinctive practices and beliefs of a society. Like any ways of living and being, they must all bow to the Lordship of Jesus Christ.

 

A matriarch is a female who is the leader or head of a family, group or tribe. Matriarchy is a social system in which a female is the head of the family and descent is through the female family line. We are more likely to equate this to the animal world, but the reality is it operates with us.

 

When you think about some cultures you immediately think of the ‘mama’, the one who rules the family with an iron rod. Perhaps a good example of this is the dowager played by Maggie Smith in the television series ‘Downton Abbey’.

 

I need to make clear at this point that we as woman, no matter the age need to be treated with respect and honour. The older woman has a God given position to train up, encourage, love and support the younger woman. Jesus esteemed all women from all walks of life, including cultures that were thought of as lesser than, for example, the Samaritan woman.

 

There is a God given role that a woman has in the family hierarchy, and she must be honoured in this position. Scripture tells us this.

 

However, like all things, there is a correct balance, and this article has been written to address where the balance has gone to an extreme. This is not a criticism, but is addressing a wrong spirit, where power and control has taken a false rulership and authority position.

 

We have all heard the ‘mother in law’ jokes where the mother in law is spoken of as the woman who ‘rules the roost’. They are an object of mocking and derision. Many have been on the receiving end of a mother in law or mother who has made life extremely difficult. Some women have usurped their authority and crossed boundaries, bringing an ungodly and wrong influence in relationships and marriages. It could be described as the mother/mother in law being in the marriage bed; such is their control.

 

Scripture lays out clearly in Mark 10:6-9 (Amplified Version)

But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female.

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and cleave closely to her permanently,

And the two shall become one flesh, so they are no longer two, but one flesh.

What therefore God has united (joined together) let not man separate or divide.

 

I have highlighted the word ‘mother’ here, because Scripture is very clear that a son leaves both his father and his mother so he can cleave to his wife. The word cleave is an old fashioned word that means to cling, keep close, to join fast together, to glue, to cement. It is a deep uniting connection that is not easily broken. When God has put a marriage together we dare not separate or divide.

 

So how does the matriarchal spirit operate?

 

There are certain aspects of this spirit and its cultural influence that manifest in very clear ways. Following are some ways that this spirit operates:

 

It exerts ungodly influence: This can best be displayed when a couple or person’s first thoughts before making a decision is ‘what will mum/mother in law/wife think? How will she react when she hears what we plan to do?’ This is control and abuse of authority.

 

My life is not my own: Perhaps this could best be described as having this shadow attached to your back, that can’t be shaken off. The person dominates every aspect of your life to such a degree that you lose your identity, the truth of who you are.

 

There are no boundaries: What is yours is mine and our lives are so intricately interwoven that I have a right to come onto your patch of ground without notice or explanation. A practical example of this would be where a married couple is in constant fear of when mum/mother in law will turn up unannounced. When she does, all must bow to her demands and opinions. All focus and attention is centred on her. It is like royalty has come to visit and all must bow and scrape to their demands.

 

Everyone is fearful of offending: Everyone around and about the matriarch walks on egg shells, fearful of upsetting or offending in case they manifest, making the lives of those around them a misery.

 

Emotions are easily out of control: The matriarch rules by emotion – they vacillate between anger to tears depending on what offends or upsets them. This occurs particularly when they fear their power and authority is being challenged or is being lost. It is emotional manipulation.

 

Using words in such a way that people are beguiled and drawn in, resulting in decisions that were never intended to be made: Often afterwards everyone goes ‘how did that happen?’ A resolution was found that benefited the matriarch, but left everyone else feeling trapped, and sucked into a web of deceit.

 

So how does it affect our behavior?

 

For many men they have lost their sense of identity. Their masculinity is challenged and they are often weak in their decision-making. This is often the reason why many men become passive or aggressive. They are passive to the matriarch’s demands, but they also feel frustrated resulting in anger because they know that this is not how things should be.

 

For many women there is an ungodly alliance between a mother and daughter. The daughter will manipulate to get what she wants as modeled to her by her mother. There is a perverted way in these days where the young daughter is a ‘friend’ to the mum. It is a wrong balance of power, and in this relationship there is a false co-rulership that is not of God. When the daughter marries this comes into the relationship bringing a hidden wedge into the marriage.

 

Culture has allowed this way of being to take hold until it has become a stronghold insidiously influencing people. It has become an acceptable way of living life. A major problem arises when the Lord requires something of person that would offend and upset the matriarch. Sadly we have seen and heard of many examples where a person has a call on their life but they have not come into it because of a mother/mother in law/ or wife’s control.

 

The matriarchal spirit has false authority that has bound people, families, regions or nations stopping them from being and doing all the Lord requires. At its root is fear – fear of losing control, fear of change, fear of losing influence. Power is exerted because it makes a person feel good, it builds their esteem resulting in them feeling loved. This does not excuse it; however, it does explain it.

 

If we are to come into the higher ways of God, if we are to be one called to influence for the good of the Kingdom of God, we must look at where and how this matriarchal spirit has a stronghold over, through and in our lives. Repentance is the key; recognizing the effects of this spirit, and choosing to walk free of all bondage to it.

 

It is a manifestation of the Jezebel spirit, and it must be exposed in this day and time. Nothing and no one should have control and influence over our lives. God is a God of free will, and anything that would rob or steal our free will is not of Him!

 

As women we need to be aware of how and if this spirit has had or is having any effect on our lives. We do not want to be innocent victims of this spirit. We want to be all that the Lord shed His blood on the cross at Calvary for us.

 

We all have areas in our lives that need adjusting, and only by the power of the Holy Spirit can this happen. He is the one who convicts. We are called to be nation changers, and all it takes is one to repent, to turn and change, to bring about a shift in the principalities and powers, the wickedness in high places.

 

It is up to us to be willing to look at this matriarchal spirit and the wrong strong hold and influence it is had over our lives.

I stand amazed - Sharlene Graf

I Stand Amazed


Verse 1:

My heart it longs for a love untainted

My soul doth cry, its bitter tears

My hands they tremble, as they reach toward You

My feet do burn, on this Holy ground

Your love untainted doth fill my heart

Your joy gives strength; my soul doth sing

Your hands, they welcome, and my reach You meet

The awe of You, does my soul astound.



Chorus:

I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus

I stand amazed in the presence of love

I stand amazed in the strength of His Glory

I stand amazed in the presence of God


Verse 2:

My eyes they see through glasses coloured

Your eyes they see through the Blood of the Lamb

My voice it falters in its plea to You

When humbly I bow before Your Might

Of Your amazing love, I testify;

I love not my life unto death

For by Jesus’ shed blood, do I over come

And with my hand in Yours, I walk in Your light.


Sharlene Graf             Copyright January 2013

Culture's Snare - Glenice Mills

CULTURE’S SNARE

 DEFER IS NOT PREFER

 

GLENICE MILLS
 FOR WAA.
1ST SEPTEMBER 2013

Culture is an insidious, hidden part of our society that affects our behavior, attitudes and aspects of our day-to-day life. Culture has particularly impacted and affected women across all socio-economic groups, from all tribes and all nations. It has been a tactic of the enemy to bind the Lord’s women, to hold them back, because the enemy knows once women find their voice, and come into their true call and destiny, they are a ‘force to be reckoned with’.

The enemy is shaking right now as he knows his days are numbered, for the voice of God’s women will not be shut, they will not be silenced because there is a roar coming out. That roar will become louder as confident, warrior princesses arise; one’s who know who they are in God, one’s who overcome and one’s who are fearless! This is a declaration, a declaration of war!!!

For us to come into all we are called to be we must first look at where culture is hindering and preventing us from being all we are meant to be in Christ. Culture’s snares will vary according to the nations we are from, and live in, but there are many common denominators for all nations.

As the coordinator for Women’s Apostolic Alliance here in Australia it is interesting to consider why the Lord is using a New Zealander in Australia, a South African coordinating New Zealand and an Australian coordinating the UK. This is not some accident but is the Lord’s divine plan.

Why is this so?

The truth is that I had to come out from under and away from my culture, the New Zealand culture, to be the full expression of who the Lord says I must be. This is not saying we all have to leave the land of our birth; however, there is a call for some to come to a different nation to fulfill God’s purposes. One of the main reasons for this is that culture has false power and authority over people’s lives. Therefore, some must come out from under certain strongholds of their home nation so they can be most effective where they are called to be.

To begin with, I did not know and understand why I had to leave New Zealand, but what I know now is that I had to leave because the Lord wanted to show me what some of the ruling principalities are over New Zealand; the result of which is my second book ‘Smashing the Lie, - Self-effacement’.

I am writing this as the Lord is requiring me to write a series for the WAA website addressing the various issues related to culture.

For us to fully understand culture we need to know what exactly it is and only then can we begin to look at the first issue in this series, one that is inherent in all women in varying degrees - that is - the issue of deferring.

The dictionary defines culture as ‘the distinctive practices and beliefs of a society; culture is the customs and civilization of a particular time or people.’

Throughout time we of different tribes and nations have embraced different traditions, practices and ways of living that are so ingrained into the fabric of the society that we do not recognize that these ways may in fact be a contradiction to God’s ways.

When we look at culture, idolatry is often at its root. As we embark on this series I want to address an issue that is interwoven in the very fabric of our society that greatly impacts women.

PART ONE: DEFER IS NOT PREFER:

There is something inherent in the make up of a woman; that aspect the Lord has put on the inside of her that will always consider others, often at the cost of self. This is a God given attribute designed for us as mothers. We see a classic example of the protective, nurturing aspect of a woman in 1 Kings 3:16-28. When Solomon was required to decide who the mother of the dead child was, the natural mother deferred custody of her baby to the second woman, as a way of protecting her child. This is a priceless quality that a mother will lay down her life for her child.

To defer from a healthy foundation, is actually to prefer another.

To prefer means to like better, to put another forward in order to appoint or promote. Prefer is a higher way, it comes from a foundation of equality. It is having an equal voice resulting in mutual decision-making. There is no over under, higher, lower or abuse of power but rather mutual respect. It is about honoring one another and valuing the opinions of another. 

Unfortunately, the waters get muddied when this crosses over to a false way – to defer to another from a wrong foundation. It may still be to protect but its base is fear and it is actually self-protection and is not to prefer another, but rather to prefer oneself.

Unfortunately many women have been under the mindset that to defer to another is always a good thing. It is a lie from the pit of hell. It brings bondage and a false way of living that enslaves.

Have you ever been in a situation where there is a conversation “No you go first, no you go first”? Everybody is so busy ‘preferring’ the other that nothing gets done. It appears as good manners. It is actually indecisive with no one prepared to make the first move and come to a final conclusion on a matter. It is lack of leadership and is rooted in a fear of offending. It is a cultural issue and appears as humility. In fact it is false humility.

What happens when we defer from a fear-based foundation, we actually put on a false persona because we in fact ingratiate ourselves, and become false. We end up bowing to another and at its worst we become all things to all people in order to appease. The end result is we spend our lives bowing and scraping to another in order to win acceptance.

The truth is the acceptance never comes, but dishonor and disdain occurs until we spiral downward and we lose our identity. We have given our free will choice to another. We become fearful of the one who controls and live our lives constantly on edge.

Can I encourage you as you read this to consider where this has and is operating in your life?

Culture has said this is the right way to live and sadly it has put women in bondage. This occurs in marriage, church, relationships and what has been taught and modeled to us from our mothers, back through the generations. It places us in an over under way of living. It is putting another over us giving control, taking our voice so we do not have an opinion. It shuts our mouths and robs us of free will choice.

Sadly we see women who are ruled by their husbands and increasingly occurring being ruled by their children also. We see elder abuse increasing, but if we look back, its roots are there because the voice was shut down decades earlier. It is disrespect and dishonor toward another and many women have accepted this as ‘their lot in life’. It is false martyrdom and is not a way of God.

So how is it outworked in our behavior?

We think we are ‘lesser than’ that we are of no worth and therefore should just give in to keep the peace. We live our lives trying to be the peacekeepers and lose who we truly are by receiving second best in our lives.

Is this the life the Lord who shed His blood on the cross at Calvary would want for you?

Do you think this is walking in victory?

I need to put in here that I am not addressing the issue of submission. You will only hear the word ‘submission’ spoken of in Christian circles. It is not a word widely used by the world. Submission is full surrender to another and in no way is what the Lord ever intended for His women. I am not addressing this issue, as my focus is more from the aspect of culture not religious teaching.

So what is to prefer?

It is being and feeling secure enough to voice an opinion, to be who you truly are without flattery, false modesty and having to prove yourself. You are free to be you, the true and full expression of you, the one created in the image of God.

As we have looked at the difference between defer and prefer and how it relates to culture can I encourage you to seek the Lord asking Him to show you where you have bowed to the lies of the enemy by deferring from a false foundation to another rather than preferring. You will need to look at the fears, insecurities and behaviours and repent of them as the Lord leads.

Remember the Lord loves you and wants you to come into ALL the plans and purposed for your life.

He has not given you a spirit of fear but of love, power and sound mind.

It is time to walk in the victory of the Lord Jesus Christ. Know He is for you and no weapon of the enemy shall stand against you.

Be encouraged!